how could it all be so simple?

Standards. We all have them. We set them, whether we are conscious of it or not, according to how we see our own greatness. Sometimes we seek companionship and we do not care which direction it comes from. The downside to this is that that person may never live up to our actual expectations. They deserve to be loved fully, as well, so why waste that persons' time, as well as our own? Sometimes you date someone that you should be completely in love with, yet for some reason, you are not in love with them. Why? Why are they not good enough? This is what you may ask yourself. Or why do I not feel the way that I should? He or she is amazing. The truth is that you can only fully appreciate what you understand. If you are not loving that amazing man or woman to the capacity that you know they deserve, let them go. No one is better than the other, but sometimes there is someone more suitable. Someone that compliments another person a little better. It does not mean you need to have a heavy amount of things in common with a person either. The only requisite is mutual understanding. Mutual values of life, thought, and emotion. High standards are not a sign of arrogance. High standards are nothing more than concentrated filtering system, that should never be wavered to the deserving. The DESERVING. No ones love should ever go unearned, and this is a creed that I heavily believe in. If I want to be with you, I must first show that I am worth while. If you want to be with me, you must be willing to do the same. We are never in the business to impress. We are only being truthful, not only to you but to ourselves. You are worth the trouble, even if you do not notice it. I am worth the trouble, even if you do not realize it. Only a small percentage of people will ever gain that vision of you. They are the only ones that truly matter. We are not perfect, but the things we do are the examples of our own moral code. Your actions, not your words, dictate your personality, and the right people will notice the right actions. Those who are meant to see us for who we are, will. Those who do not, simply will never get the luxury of knowing the true us, not because they are unworthy, but simply because it is not in them to see it. Some people get it. Some people do not. When you meet someone who does, appreciate it and show them that their faith in you will never be in vain. Make their memory of you as pleasant and long lasting as possible. For we deserve to be remembered.

finding truth without guilt

She got on at Borough Hall on the number two train line. She sat in the corner seat across from him. He noticed her, but did not want to look directly at her. For he did not want to deliver to her palms an excess of appreciation. He suddenly thought to himself as he tried too hard to look in a different direction 'Be honest with yourself. This is not where you want to look. You want to look at her. Do it.' He loosened his neck and allowed it to turn slightly to his left and allowed himself this momentary period of bliss. Her beauty was unspeakable. As soon as his look laid on her like silk bedding, she returned the same look. They smiled at each other, and even though no words were exchanged, they both knew it was as genuine as it gets. They exited at the same stop, but she walked with the swift urgency of a student...in fear that she might have actually liked what she glanced into.

the mimic

he met her through, oddly enough, a woman he used to sleep with. she was very quiet the very first time they met. so quiet that the both of them often forget their very first encounter. the second encounter, she was much more warm towards him. not in a 'expressing my attraction' type of way. it was more of a good friend, but the open gesture came out of nowhere. he figured that she must have had a good day prior to meeting up with him and all of their mutual friends. they all went to a restaurant in the union square area. it was a very good night, filled with pictures taken with dslr cameras and exquisite asian cuisine.

a good while after this, they went as a pair to get thai at a restaurant on smith street in brooklyn. she came from manhattan to meet him. in the rain. while walking in the wrong direction. he phoned her, got her location, tracked her down, and got them to the shelter of the restaurant, mainly because walking in heavy rainfall is very unpleasant to him. dinner was decent but it could have been a lot better. he took her home and thought nothing more of it. she began to show more interest while maintaining the hard to get stance. this was impressive, but the chase is a very sensual thing to a man, particularly this man. little did he know that this was the peak of her efforts for him.

he gave her a christmas gift of a box with a few items in it. he received a pair of gloves months later. he stopped by on new years eve because he knew he would not see her because they both had separate plans. she made him wait outside in late-december weather for thirty minutes because she did not believe that he was really at her building, although she could have looked outside her window to check. they dated for about six months. within six months, she had visited him three times in his home borough. he went to her house multiple times a week. the inconsistency bothered him and he spoke to her constantly about this growing issue. he felt like a pestering nuisance, but why break up with her when you can actually try to make it work. he spoke, he reiterated, he expressed his wishes, and he spoke some more. eventually, he gave up. they came to a mutual understanding that eventual friends would be a better route. she went back to the companionship of an ex-boyfriend who recently re-entered her life and she lived happily ever after, commuting to his brooklyn home several times a week.

they would hang out occasionally after that, but he saw that even with the heavy amount of potential she had, she was never built to actually realize any of it. he began to see her in a different light. someone that had either no or a ridiculously low respect lever for him. someone that only cares about what she wants. someone that has no interest in being her own woman, but only wants to be what others already are. a mimic. he gave her options to show that respect, or at least match his own respect for her. she never did and never will.

today is today

today's feeling: cold

the hot water in the shower is currently disabled so this is the period of patience while i wait for aqua de caliente to return.

today's key word: effort

a little effort goes a long way. it is a great thing to say how you feel and say what you want to do with yourself, but what is the point in saying anything if you do not intend on doing anything? what a lot of people do not seem to understand is that our words have so much power, but if you misuse it, the power reduces because there was never any intention of action borne with those words. it applies to everything. love, life, careers, etc. be extremely careful in the things that you say and when you say those words, prepare to deal with the consequences, whether positive or negative.

today's woman: nameless

she sat across from him on the number two downtown train from 14th street in manhattan. she had hair that was short, curly, and a lovely shade of milk chocolate brown. she wore a red sweater, a wool peacoat, and a canvas shoulder bag. she looked oddly familiar to him, as if she was a former coffee customer of his in his days as a barista. maybe. maybe not. they both read books of incredible girth with intense concentration, occasionally glancing up to steal a peek at the other person but always missing direct eye contact but a couple seconds. she took out a sheet of paper from her bag, wrote briefly on it, and went back to her book. he noticed this from the corner of his peripheral vision and asked himself if she was really that bold. he found this to be a very attractive quality in a woman. a woman not afraid to go and get what she wants. not overly aggressive, but definitely not passive in any way. the train came to a stop at grand army plaza. she gathered the bag, threw the small piece of paper in her bag, and exited the train without a glance at the young man. she may have had a bold thought, but he would never find out.

a thing called new york love

He saw her in line from the other side of the room. He noticed how fluffed her hair looked. It looked as soft and sweet as cotton candy. He brushed it off because, as usual, she was a pretty woman in manhattan. You can never think too deeply when it comes to New York Love. He went about his business, tending to trash and overflowing coffee pots. The line began to get a bit lengthy, so it was time to unleash...the LINEBUSTER. Linebusting is nothing more than the mentality of destroying the line of customers as quickly as possible, in a great fury of efficiency and witty co-worker tidbits. He began to pop brown paper bags like a seasoned supermarket clerk. He served customer after customer with the usual bread, sweet, drink, napkin flow. Eventually, he got to her. She had eyes that smiled and a nosering like a minature sun, shining with those eyes. She began with a turkey with avocado sandwich. He asked blankly if that was it, half assuming that the order was over and so was the momentary nirvana. She added a bag of cape cod chips. The meal got better. Then, with a cute half smile, she said" ...aaaand a chocolate chip cookie, please." He picked up the cookie, put it in the bag, and gave her a smile. She knew it was in humor to her appetite and she said nothing, but smiled in reply. He jokingly asked if she would like anything else. Coffee was a necessary requirement, of course. A large with skim milk. He was impressed with her appetite, and she sure wasn't shy about it either. He got her name. It was ellen. It was anticipation ever since.

i love you
i love caressing your hair
i love the way you look at me when i say something stupid
i love your mind
i love that we never argue, we just agree to disagree and eat cereal afterwards
i love that you dream more when youre awake
i love that you motivate me without motivating me
i love getting on your nerves and then kissing the frustration away
i love protecting you from the world's morons and aggressors
i love being in the sky with you, high away from reality

too bad we dont know each other.....yet

its late so i have the right to say whatever

cant help but wonder where she is